


A Very Merry Irony

by Onceyourempire



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas!, Gen, Headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-10
Updated: 2011-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-27 04:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onceyourempire/pseuds/Onceyourempire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Strider Family Christmas is supposed to be so unironic that it's ironic again, but no matter how ironic you are you can't fake laughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Merry Irony

**Author's Note:**

> This sounds more like an essay than a fic I guess? I DON'T KNOW but this is cute to me.
> 
> I like Christmas as much as I like the Striders so I mushed them together and this happened and yep.

The Strider household Christmas is nothing out of the ordinary.

The brothers string up a shit-ton of lights on everything, stick a bunch of light-up Santas on the roof of their building, and Bro gets the fridge up and running for their annual stockpile of eggnog. Bro hunts down the most pathetic tree he can find and puts a single red ornament on it as a homage to Charlie Brown. Dave digs up the most ironically terrible Christmas sweater he can from the Goodwill bins and wears it every day for the entire month of December.

 _"That is hideous."_

 _Dave smirks._

 _"Yep. It's tier seven ironic, at least."_

 _Bro appraises._

 _"Tier eight, maybe. Good job this year."_

 _"Thanks."_

They go out of the way to make it seem like they enjoy Christmas ironically. Everyone certainly believes so, except for perhaps their inner circle of friends. John's father sends multiple boxes of gloriously sugared cookies every year, because he knows that Bro devours them at an inhuman rate. Rose knits hats and scarves for them both, knowing that when they visit New York or Washington for the holidays, they spend hours having Snowball Showdowns in which everyone loses but no one cares.

 _"Bro I can't feel my face."_

 _"You're not supposed to be able to. That's the point."_

 _"Bet you five bucks I break my nose off."_

 _"That means we did it right."_

Bro's Christmas's in his childhood were awkwardly formal events, filled with crisp adults and sulking children and the stifling of childhood joy and warmth. Once out of the family home, he decided that Christmas had to been corny to really be enjoyed. Together he and Dave create the most cliche holiday season this side of nuclear family suburbia.

Christmas eve is spent marathoning all sorts of holiday films (including, for some reason, The Prince of Egypt) until both brothers pass out. Bro usually wakes up first and makes a fuck-ton of bacon and eggs. If they are at the Egbert's, John's dad usually joins him and makes pancakes and muffins. At the Lalonde's, Rose's mom makes orange juice, toast, and Bloody Mary's. Dave wakes up obscenely early and he and Bro go outside, make snowpuppets, and shove snow down each other's coats until they can't walk straight because they're too numb. If they are home in Texas, they buy fake snow and throw it off the roof at unsuspecting strangers. They return inside whenever they so desire and then the gift extravaganza begins.

 _"I don't get it Dave! None of Bro's or your presents are labelled!"_

 _"Thanks for the brilliant observation, Egbueno."_

 _"But...they're all wrapped in the same paper."_

 _"Yes they are."_

 _"I'm so confused."_

It becomes a contest to see who can pick out the gifts that are actually for them. If one of them guesses wrong, they lose a gift that is really theirs.

(All lost gifts are returned that night, re-wrapped and outside the owner's door. It's an unspoken rule continued from the days when Dave couldn't get any of his guesses right.)

The rest of the day flashes by. Food, food, Put Snow On Everything Hour, food, holiday-themed rap-off, dressing Cal up as Santa and draping him over the tree- traditions that never falter.

Bro laughs unironically sometimes during the day. He doesn't notice, and wouldn't care even if he did.

Dave never points it out, but when he notices, it's nice. He smiles. He tries to make Bro laugh again, usually succeeds.

 _It's snowing brilliantly hard and Bro can't feel his anything. He stumbles, laughs at the sheer joy of being clumsy with cold. Dave's face breaks into a quick grin before he leaps on Bro's back and shoves snow down Bro's jacket. Bro gives a burst of surprised laughter and throws Dave over his shoulder into the snow. The momentum makes him fall to the ground as well and they laugh harder than they have all year. Rose watches from the window with a secret smile on her lips._

They pass out early the morning after, usually on the floor, usually swaddled in light-up Rudolph sweaters and their own cheery-ass Christmas spirit.

The joy continues through New Years, and life returns to normal. The decorations go down, the sweaters are packed away, and the laughter is a fond memory.

But Christmas never really leaves.

 _"Bro, it's August."_

 _"And?"_

 _"I can hear 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' on repeat from the roof."_

 _"I can hear you singing along from the living room."_

It's unironic enough to be ironic again, they say, but they don't mean it. Christmas is the greatest time of year, after all and no one could really be ironic about that, not even two people who wallow in irony and distain for the norm.

They can fake the irony all they want, but they can never fake the laughter.


End file.
